Why waiting to feel confident is getting in the way of you taking that next big step.
Have you ever felt the frustration of wanting to take that next big step, but struggle with the confidence to actually take it ?
A recent study of 2,500 respondents found that that 79% of women and 62% of men regularly lack confidence. With this in mind, can you see why waiting for confidence to start doing what we wish to do may be a self-sabotaging behaviour?
One of the biggest limiting beliefs that I see come up time and time again for many of the people that I work with, is that they decide and tell themselves that in order to do whatever it is that they wish to do next - they just need to develop the confidence first.
Of course, I understand the logic…. “If I just do x, y & z [insert big long list of tasks that allows me to avoid doing the one thing I know would be most beneficial] things first - then, and only then, I think I’ll have the confidence to go after or do [insert desired outcome]!”
However, if we wait around until we feel confident enough to take the next big step…then we’ll likely be waiting forever. Or at the very least, so much longer than we need to be. The reality is that in the process of waiting to feel confident enough to start, we’ll just talk ourselves out of it… over and over again.
You see, the truth is this…
Confidence is the result, not the requirement. Courageousness is the requirement.
Read that again - a few more times. Let it sink in.
Why consistent action is the only way forward.
The thing with taking that next big step, is that more often than not, it is absolutely terrifying.
It comes with a whole host of unknowns, fears, doubts and insecurities [more on this to come in future blog posts]
We get very comfortable experiencing life the way that we have worked hard to create and curate it, and then when we start considering taking that next big step, we know that it will likely change or shake up the predictable and comfortable way of life that we have become accustomed to.
Waiting for the confidence to take the next big step, is effectively like tying your ankles together before trying to run and jump. It is likely going to result in you not moving, or falling flat on your face. It is the perfect bullshit excuse to avoid facing the unknowns, fears, doubts and insecurities that will inevitably arise when you start boldly considering what is truly possible for you.
I want to share a quote with you all:
“A sustainable sense of security in oneself arises from positive and productive behaviour.”- Martin Seligman.
So who is Martin Seligman, and why should you trust him? He is one of the leaders at the forefront of positive psychology!
In his work, he suggests that positive self-image cannot be sustained without action.
So - as the old phrase goes: “Actions speak louder than words!”
Through repetitively being courageous, and through taking consistent aligned action - you will develop more confidence simply as a by-product of taking action and being intelligently courageous. Then as you develop more confidence, you will feel empowered to take more and more courageous steps…which leads to more confidence.
I hope you can see how this cycle enables you to progressively start taking larger and larger steps.
What can you do about it?
So, I can hear many of you asking… “So Dan, what do we do about it?!”
Pick something that isn’t so scary that you start using confidence as a barrier. It doesn’t need to be a big step right now - just a step. All of those small steps will eventually amount to one large leap.
Don’t overcomplicate it. Start doing what you know can be done, now. Right now. Today. [small steps still count]
Stop waiting to feel 100% confidence before taking action. Be courageous. Take action.
You need to treat building the habit of overcoming your fears of taking action (before you feel complete confidence) in the same way that you would treat building any other new habit:
You make it achievable.
You do it consistently
If you fail, you try again.
So, with all that said - let’s make this practical.
Key action steps:
Write down what you’d like your next big step to be. Own it.
If this feels too big to take on in one giant step, then break this giant step down into small and easily achievable steps.
Actually take that small achievable step.
Celebrate the win! It all counts.
On to the next step…You got this!
Email me / contact me to tell me what step you took so that I can congratulate you! Title the email: My Courageous Step.
Remember…. One more time:
Confidence is the result, not the requirement. Courageousness is the requirement.
If you would like to hear a little bit more about what it would look like to work with me, or to experience my support and coaching - please get in contact.
I would love to hear from you.
Kind Regards,
DCM.