Are your hidden fears about being successful leading you to self-sabotage?
Is it really fear of failure that’s stopping you from taking that next big step? Or could it actually be fear of success that is causing you to get in your own way?
If people think that taking that next big step is likely to result in failure, then it is fairly easy to understand why many people are fearful of taking it.
Fear of failure can be paralysing. Even if the current circumstances are far less than favourable, many people would still choose to stay in their comfort zone, rather than take the risk of stepping into the unknown - even if it could result in a happier more fulfilling life.
However, what is considered far less when discussing self-sabotage, is the fear of success. Fear of success?! it almost sounds too paradoxical to be true, right? Lets get into it a little bit more…
The dark side of success.
If we were to look a little deeper, there could be many reasons why success could actually feel more daunting than we may initially think. For instance:
More Pressure [“If I’ve attained this level of success, at the very least I need to maintain it! Better yet, improve it!”]
More Responsibility [“I’ve built a company with many employees - I need the company to keep performing or I’ll be letting so many people down!”]
More to Lose [“I’ve now created a specific lifestyle funded by my level of success, I can’t afford to lose money !”]
Increased chance of Rejection.
Increased chance of Criticism.
How to Identify your fears regarding success.
With that being said, I’d like to offer you a simple but effective way of discovering what your fears about success could be. Let’s get into it:
Grab a pen and paper, or open up a notes page on your phone / Ipad / Laptop…okay -lets get started.
Write this sentence stem at the top of the page: “The worst thing about being successful would be…”
Below it, write out at least 10 answers to complete the sentence stem. For instance: “I’d have more staff members to take care of”
Read over the answers that you’ve written out for each sentence stem.
Read through each of your answers and try and distill it down to it’s root. For instance, with the one above “I’d have more staff members to take care of” this could be more to do with pressure, responsibility or fear of loss. However, you will be able to determine which root fear feels most fitting.
Make a list of the reasons that success scares you. Something to pay attention to here, is whether or not the same root fear is manifesting in a number different ways, or if in fact you have a number of secret / hidden fears regarding Success!
Now I know…What do I do about it?!
So I’m guessing that you’re thinking “Okay Dan, so what do I do about these fears?”
Well, the first step of moving past fears is to first gain awareness of the fears. We must actually understand (and then accept) what the root cause of our fears are. My hope is that through having done the exercise above, you will now have a better understanding of why fear of success may be getting in your way.
From here we can make a decision as to whether the fears are founded out of genuine concern.
If they are founded in reasonable concern, then we can make a plan to mitigate all foreseeable risk - then choose to move forward.
If the fears aren’t really founded in much evidence, we can challenge them, and then overcome them by choosing to move forward.
Basically…
“Feel the fear and do it anyway - but in an intelligent, thought-out and measured manner.”
So now that you are aware of what scares you most about success, and whether or not the fear is founded in genuine concerns, what can you do next?
Start the process of moving from where you are now, to where you wish to be. Move through and out to the other side of fear.
This isn’t about not feeling fear, or blindly stepping into the unknown. It’s about strategically breaking down the process, so that [with courage, persistence and patience] you can methodically move from one step to the next.
Break the process [of overcoming your fear] down into manageable and achievable steps.
Get started with step one - be courageous. Get. It. Done.
Reflect, learn and repeat - and then on to the next step.
Some Final Words.
If you wish to move closer towards your desired outcome, it is almost definitely going to require you to challenge fear head on.
Fear is something that will prove to be unavoidable - so get comfortable with this fact, and learn to manage the discomfort of it in the best way possible.
Remember - even if you choose to stay still in an attempt to avoid facing your fears, you’ll inevitably have to deal with all the fears / guilt / regret that arise from being stagnant and choosing not to live the life you know that you could be.
So - what do you choose?
I’d like to finish with some powerful words from a man who created great change in the world..
“I learned not that courage was the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ~ Nelson Mandela.
Until next time!
DCM.