Discovering and Aligning to your Values: A step-by-step guide.
Values are the things we consider to be important in life. Values are our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves. They’re what we want to stand for in life, how we want to behave and what sort of person we want to be. Examples of values are: creativity, honesty, freedom, etc.
You can think of your values as a compass that makes navigating life a little easier. We tend to be happier, more fulfilled, and less overwhelmed in difficult situations when we know our values and live in line with them.
When we make decisions or act in ways that dishonour our values, we can feel stressed, anxious, and generally unhappy; for example, if you value open communication, but you're in a relationship with a partner that struggles with this, you could understand why this may be a constant strain.
How do you think this imbalance between your values and your reality might feel? It is important to learn what we value, but we should also know what we value the most. By choosing and prioritizing your values, you know where to invest your time and effort in the future so that you can be the kind of person you want to be.
Defining and establishing your values can have a profound impact on life. Often when we lose a sense of balance in our life, usually we aren’t respecting, acknowledging or truly living by a number of our core values.
Let’s unpack this a little further…
What does knowing your values help with?
Increased Self awareness, Self esteem, and Self confidence
When you’re very clear on what your values are and are consciously choosing to live in alignment with them, you will be more inclined to make life choices that are in alignment with who you authentically are. It is usually when you are living in a way that is not authentic or feels intrinsically out of alignment, that you are most likely to question and doubt who you are and what you are capable of.
Live a life that feels more Meaningful and Fulfilling.
When you take the time to reflect and figure out what your values are, you will be able to make daily decisions that will be consciously aligned with what you most highly value. Which of course, will have a direct impact on the levels of satisfaction, fulfilment and joy you experience day to day. Of course it will never be all rainbows - but you are providing yourself with the best opportunity to live life in a way that feels most authentic.
Improve all of the relationships in your life
When you’re aware of your values you will be able to make more informed decisions regarding each of the relationships that you have in your life. You will begin to recognise which of your relationships are in alignment with your values, and which are not. In knowing your own values you will be able to better express your wants and needs, and in knowing the other persons you will be able to better meet their wants and needs. In both of you knowing your values, you will be able to cultivate authentic relationships based on open communication, connection ,understanding and mutual respect.
More likely to achieve your goals and experience true success.
When you’re living in alignment with your values, it becomes easier to set and then work toward your goals or aspirations. The road to achieving your goals is likely to have its obstacles and pitfalls, and so knowing that you are working towards what would be most meaningful for you will help you cultivate more resistance, persistence and patience so that you can stay in the game for the long haul!
More Decisive and increased levels of conviction.
When you very clear about your values, it will become easier for you to make decisions that align with them. Then, overtime as your self confidence and self trust develops, you will also start to feel more convicted in your choices and reasoning.
Values help you find your purpose.
In order to figure out what your purpose in life is, you must first truly understand what is important to you, and what matters the most. Once you know this foundational information, then you’ll be able to more clearly figure out what your mission or purpose in life is.
Values let you know when you are doing something in-authentic.
You know that feeling when you are doing something, and something doesn’t sit right with you? That feeling that tells you this isn’t right.
Values will help you prioritise.
When you are clear about your values, it becomes a lot more easy to prioritise. Knowing what is most important to you will allow you to make more informed decisions about where you should initially direct your focus, time and energy.
Values will impact your levels of happiness and satisfaction.
When you are able to live aligned with your values, there will be less dissonance, friction and doubt, as you will be living in a true and authentic way.
So if you don’t yet know what your values are, how do we figure them out?
Let me walk you through it step by step…
Examples of Values.
This section will offer examples of Values and will enable you to start considering which values may resonate with you most.
Before we start looking at your values for each life domain, let's consider some common examples of values first.
Click the link below for a list of example Values.
https://danmorgancoach.com/big-list-of-values
Briefly study the list, so that you get a clear idea of what values are and which may be the relevant ones for you - and they keep it visible with you for the remainder of this article
Life Domains.
In this section you will establish how important various life domains are to you, and also which values you associate to each of the Life Domains.
The first step to really help you with incorporating your values into your life, is to establish what each of your values are in relevance to each of the ten life domains. You may also to choose to add other domains that you may feel are personally relevant for you.
It is important to note, that it is possible you may have picked up negative or introjected values - these are values that you may have learned or adopted that don’t feel are your own. Make a note of these in the following exercise.
The 10 Life Domains are as follows:
1. Intimate Relationships - spouse, partner, lover, boyfriend or girlfriend etc. If you’re not currently in a relationship, you can just work on this section by imagining your ideal relationship and partner. Value terms for this domain may be “love” “honesty” “sensuality”.
2. Parenting - What does being a mother or father mean to you? Again if you’re not a parent, you can still answer this question by imagining. This may also help you to determine other values that resonate with you. Value terms for this domain may be “nurturing”, “loving”, “discipline”.
3. Education and learning - value terms for continued learning or education might be “self development” or “intelligence” or “wisdom”.
4. Friends and Social Life - what do you value in your closest friendships? What qualities do you most like in friendships? Value terms here may be “humour” “loyalty”.
5. Physical Self-care & Health - what exercise, sports, hobbies, health interventions would you like to be present in your life? Value terms for this may be “Longevity”, “Strength”, “Fitness”.
6. Family of origin - of what importance to you are your family (your mother, father, siblings etc? Value terms for this may be “love”, “respect”, “Acceptance.
7. Spirituality - do you value and feel that you are part of something greater than yourself, however intangible it may be? This could be organised religion, a spiritual practice such as meditation, or even spending time in nature. It doesn’t have to take a specific form, only that it connects with you on a deeper level. Value terms for spirituality may be “connected”, “awareness”, “presence”, “energy”, “source”.
8. Community Life and Citizenship - do you contribute to your community in any way shape or form? I.e charitable work. Is this something you consider important? Do you value supporting, or receiving the support of a community? Value terms for this may be “responsibility”, “contribution”, “charity”, “selflessness”.
9. Recreation, Leisure and Downtime - when you feel in the right place for it, and aren’t overcome by negative emotions, thoughts or feelings, how do you like to spend your recreation, leisure or downtime doing? What do you like to do to rest, recover and rejuvenate? In what ways do you value connecting with your friends, family or significant other(s)? Some value terms for this domain may be “creative”, “humour”, “fun”, “adventure”.
10. Work and Career - what aspirations do you have for your career and work life? What would be the most meaningful work or career for you based on what you value and enjoy? What impact do you like to have with the work you do? What intention did you have when you began your current career? Some value terms for this life domain could be “leadership”, “innovative”, “contribution”, “service”.
Get a pencil / pen and a piece of paper, and then roughly sketch out a copy of the table below:
Next, use the following instructions to fill out the table:
1. For each of the life domain areas, rank its importance to you by ticking the relative box. The options are ‘Not important’, ‘Somewhat Important’, and ‘Very Important’.
2. In the Values box, write down the values that you most highly associate with that life domain.
3. In the Introjected Values box, write down any value terms that you think you may have learned or adopted from others in your life up until this point that don't feel wholly authentic for you now. It is worth noting, that there is a likelihood that they will be contrasting to your personal values for each of the life domains.
Your Top 10 Values.
In this section you will go through the process of selecting and then refining your 'Top 10-15 Values'.
Get a separate piece of paper and follow the instructions outlined below to discover your 'Top 10-15 Values':
1. Make a list of all of the Values that you noted down in the previous exercise from each of your Life domains.
2. Look at ‘The Big List of Values’ link from earlier. Below, write down a short-list of all of the other values that resonate with you or that catch your eye.
3. Once you have written down all the ones that feel relevant to you, start to cross out the Values that feel seemingly less important than some of the others on your list.
4. Repeat this process until you have a total of 10/15 values that your feel are most important to you.
5. Rank these values in order from 1- 10/15. This will establish your Top 10/15 values.
Reaffirming your Values.
In this section you will answer a number of questions that will allow you to re-affirm whether or not your values feel truly authentic to you.
1. Does having these values make you feel good about yourself and your life?
2. Are you proud of your top three values? Would you feel confident and sharing this information with others?
3. Do these values truly resonate with you to the point, that if you were in the minority for having them, that you would still stand by them?
Aligning yourself with your Values.
This section allows you to start considering the following: How aligned you are currently with your values, which areas need re-alignment and how you could start being more value-aligned within each of the life domains.
Answer the following questions:
1. Do you feel you are living by the values you have chosen for each of the life domains? If not, why not?
2. Which areas or Life Domains need most realignment? How do you plan to achieve this?
3. How can you start acting from your values more in each of the Life Domains?
Final Words.
Well done for taking the time to work your way through this reflective exercise. I know it takes time - but my hope for you is that you have now uncovered what you most value, and that knowledge will empower you to start creating positive change so that you’re able to live a more fulfilling and aligned life!
It’s important to remember that our Values are not fixed and so they will change and shift with time. Therefore, it’s important to regularly check back in with your values from time to time so that you feel that you have clarity regarding your values, and can make lifestyle changes accordingly.
I hope you found this exercise and blog both insightful and informative.
Until next time!
DCM.